pulls out $600 and asks for happy ending
You’re not a virgin because you’re bad with women. You’re a virgin because you’re bad with money.
That “Goth” chick just rinsed this dude to watch her perform a dance.
My gay friends call me a platinum star because I never fucked a woman and I’m a cesarian section.
I am not following
“Gold star” means “never had sex with the opposite gender” in LGBTQ+ slang. My man here managed to dodge the pussy at birth too, elevating him to platinum rank.
oooooh. Thanks !
yeah maybe hire an actual prostitute instead of assuming all women offering a service you don’t understand are actually just whores
anon deserves his blue balls
she implied anon could’ve recieved that service if anon wasn’t “too spiritually pure” defo a prostitute, at least as a side hustle.
(if this story was real that is, which of course it is not)
Anon is very obviously describing a prostitute who lives somewhere where it is illegal and thus advertising with innuendo. Anon was turned down by a prostitute. Also the only one calling women whores was you.
Anon is very obviously describing a prostitute who lives somewhere where it is illegal and thus advertising with innuendo.
this is a possibility but it sounds more to me like he misunderstood a witchy tiktoker who also likes bdsm, which is VERY common in occult-y circles
Anon was turned down by a prostitute.
if she’s a prostitute then no anon wasn’t “turned down”, anon was robbed.
Also the only one calling women whores was you.
nah but thanks for letting me know you’re upset for some weird reason
if she’s a prostitute then no anon wasn’t “turned down”, anon was robbed.
You lost me here. What a wild thing to say.
assuming she’s a prostitute he paid at the beginning of the “session”, and he mentions the session ends. her advertised rate is $200. she took his $200 that was implied to be for a service and anon did not recieve said service. anon was robbed. i don’t understand why this is a “wild” idea.
my take was that he hired an energy healer that also posts about kink, she politely snarked at him when he tried to explicitly buy sex, and it went over his head. also as i was typing this i realized it doesn’t really have to be either/or and maybe something went over my head as well.
assuming she’s a prostitute he paid at the beginning of the “session”
This is a wild take though. He paid $200 to ‘release tension, whatever that was’ and was ‘hoping it goes somewhere’. She declined the $600 for a ‘happy ending’.
What he described was closer to going to a massage parlor and having them decline a happy ending, but still giving the normal massage.
ya that’s what that last sentence is about, the whole conversation i was thinking about my late partner’s escort services and it clicked while i was typing that it could be what you describe just woo woo shit instead of massage. im slow sometimes lol.
Nothing about this post implies she’s a prostitute.
well, it’s p clear anon thinks she’s a prostitute. this comment chain started with my observation that perhaps she isn’t one, and you chimed in where i was going back and forth with someone who agrees with anon and believes she is a prostitute. why are you shooting off your mouth about people saying wIlD tHiNgS and “correcting” people when you clearly haven’t bothered to understand any part of the post or the conversation?
You’re fucking wild dude
i hang out with a lot of freaks. my late partner was an escort, and she wouldn’t take your money and then just not perform she’d just refuse your money. her shitty friend would go lock herself in the bathroom for the whole hour though, and after a while she quit getting clients.
>get psych degree >become disillusioned with the world and my minuscule place in it >distaste for society rising >decide to open a little witch shop >even offer subtle counseling >occasionally rip chuds out of their hate holes >never had a customer leave without personal growth >be yesterday >laundromat fire left me with barely any clothes >fuckthisqueerhatingearth.png >still have customers today >can’t cancel without incurring penalties >fuckthisqueerhatingcreditprocessor.fat >smell like burnt plastic >wearing rescued sheets from head to toe >appointments not going too bad considering the circumstances >then arrived the mound >a ball of unwashed hair stretching out into a protective sphere >sebum flows and drips from my bead draped doorframe as walks in >understand immediately that I have to do something about this >I’ll save this one Jonny >but I can’t get a word out of him >he communicates only in grunts >he's distracted for some reason >finally give up as the hour elapses >grasp failure for the first time >as he leaves, he suddenly turns, whipping salty droplets onto my face >I convulse but keep my composure >finally hear his voice >think we’re finally going to talk >he extends a wad of money toward me and begs for a handy >the straw that broke the camel’s back >can barely squeak out an apology as I exit the room and begin crying >I just wanted to help👏👏👏 BRAVO 👏👏👏
Go to a rave and do some meth.
If you don’t get to rail someone / get railed, contact me for further instructions.
Joke’s on you; I have ADHD. Meth just makes me even more quiet and reserved.
If you want to come out of your shell and get laid at a rave, I recommend candy flipping. Psychedelics will turn the most reserved introvert into a social butterfly, and the MDMA is to take the edge off, so that you can just enjoy tripping in public without having to face your demons and discover the meaning of life. The combo makes sex so much better too.
Yeah that’s now how anything works and I don’t care to argue as I’ve had the debate 100000000x times
takes meth
recedes into self
contemplated naval while everyone else is bouncing off the walls
checks label
“What kind of meth is it when it’s called Fentanyl?”
Well yes it’s much more nuanced than that, but we’re in a 4chan community so I’m not about to drop a novel here, either.
Average CIA agent
You got invited to Langley? Fuck yeah, man. Everyone gets laid at Langley
Covers’ blown, get out of there Dasus!
Some folks around here really down bad
Gay dudes are always waiting to help the down and out.
Why is everything so depressing here
on earth?
I mean. It looks like sad people find their way in greentexts.
Is it depressing though? Tragedy is somebody’s comedy, you just got to see the funny and laugh.
“I see you more as a brother”
“How much to see me as a step brother?”
Drop the $600 under a bed for her to reach it
Fake: anon paid a woman
Gay: anon didn’t get a boner
it’s not the sex that I crave, just a physical warmth would be great
Same. But sex would also be great
Allow me to introduce you to… the London Undeground trains! The Northern line in summer rush hour is like a bunch of penguins huddling together for warmth in a hot oven.
EDIT: I think I misunderstood what you wanted but I hope you got a chuckle out of it.
this is the kind of thing only an aroace could say
This is a really common sentiment. Humans are social apes but many cultures have severely curtailed what kind of touch is considered appropriate.
I highly recommend hanging with cats. When I was younger, I volunteered at a cat rescue. Friendly cats are almost always down to be pet and to rub their furry little faces all over you. It’s hard to feel as lonely when you’re hanging out with your cat buds, and the rescue cats need friends too.
Hot Pockets aren’t just for eating anymore.
I ain’t no quitter
IMO the worst thing about being a virgin is that it’s forbidden to have sex, at least according to your caring parents, teachers, and social context. It’s more about breaking the nonsensical rules than actually about having sex, at least that’s how it was for me.
it’s forbidden to have sex
Yep. I grew up in upper class britain and it’s sad how here too that was somehow, without ever explicitly being said, drilled into me.
Edit: nobody ever told me that sex was bad, but that’s the view I took away for some reason?
I’m literally gonna be a 40 year old virgin bros
OP:
You poor kids. Your parents screwed you up.
I’ve read advice that people need to continuously ask for consent DURING the act, just to be sure. This is stupid advice. Once you’re both willingly naked in the same room, and no one laughed or ran away, you’re good. If you’re now thinking up exceptions to this, that’s why you’ll never get laid.
OTH, no one should have kids, so it’s probably all for the best.
I think you may have misunderstood that advice. Consent during sex doesn’t mean you keep asking ‘do you still want to sex’ over and over. It means that you make sure everything you do is something you both want. Theres like a million different things you can do together when you have sex, how would you know which of those the other wants? It doesn’t even have to be verbal, giving and paying attention to non verbal cues is a type of ongoing consent too.
And I can’t believe I have to say this, but: Someone being naked and in the same room as you doesn’t give you permission to do whatever the fuck you want to them.
> Boo hoo I am going to be a 40 year old virgin!
And? I’m a 29yr old who is still a kissless virgin. Just try to get some good friends or something. Improve your career and climb up that ladder, then sex or relationships won’t even matter anymore. Get off of 4chan.
Wtf no your 9-5 (or in your case im guessing much longer) isn’t a replacement for a relationship.
If you’re somehow able to do nothing but work and self improvement all day and be satisfied with just that in your life then good for you but don’t assume everyone can just adapt to that mindset.
Humans are not evolved to find intimacy so irrelevant.
Some people find sex less important than others and prefer to focus their energy on other aspects of their lives.
No debate there but I don’t think you can extend that truth into suggesting that everyone could just as easily be fulfilled if they just “focus their energy on other aspects of their lives”.
Yeah, that’s a classic logical fallacy. What’s true for one isn’t likely true for most, and what’s true for most isn’t necessarily true for one.
i call that phenomenon “over-generalization”. you observe yourself and assume that everybody feels the same way, which, empirically, is simply not the case.
The idea that intimacy is required to live a fulfilling life is the lie. There are famous examples of people who were life long virgins. A few of them were in unconsummated marriages.
My assumption would be many of the people you’re referencing are/were either on the aro/ace spectrum or simply closeted homosexuals.
Most people desire intimacy, and will experience some amount of discomfort/distress from a prolonged lack of intimacy. See also “touch-starved.” It is also perfectly normal for individuals to find themselves on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, where they may either not need intimacy or may even find displeasure/discomfort/distress when engaging in intimacy for another’s sake. These are things that are important to keep in mind when discussing other’s needs and desires or lack thereof
This is a green text so I’m gonna suspend as much reality as I can.
This is not gonna go over well but here we go.
If you want to talk to women or whatever romantic/sexual partner you’d prefer, why the fuck are we paying women to approach them in a non-romantic/sexual professional setting and then being upset?
Either open up to people, lower your standards, or increase your own self-worth to approach whatever arbitrary standards you’ve made for you.
Talking to people in a romance/sex setting isn’t a fucking myth, it’s a very everyday part of life that every single person thinks about. Approach it like that, don’t be an asshole, and above all go out and have fun.
There is someone for you, and even if you don’t think so, there’s someone exactly like you willing to take the same risk.
If you’ve read this, and you’re upset, it’s on you. Go outside and fucking try.
I’d approached this very subject in therapy. My problem was being worried about my standards, because I’ve been looking for something so very specific in a partner, that even my therapist was surprised that I managed to find people who fit the bill. But my therapist highlighted that I did, indeed, manage to have several partners who matched my intent during the almost two decades since I’ve started doing this whole Relationship™ deal, and I’m a weird fucker looking for likewise weird fuckers!
@Whostosay is 100% correct. There are over 8 billion (edit: to highlight billion - BILLION! Can you even picture that amount?! I sure as hell can’t, can barely conceptualise millions!) individuals on this planet at the moment, and humanity isn’t THAT creative for there to be no common ground between us. It’s statistically improbable for there to not be at least someone who matches you. Sure, it may take a long while to find such people if your standards are very specific (I usually spend several years solo between partners due to this, plus I don’t do hook-ups, one-night-stands or fwb stuff because they do nothing for me), but there ARE people out there who fit the bill.
Take a chance! Go out into the world and shoot your shot! Post a “seeking partner” post online, be honest and specific, go on dating apps with the specific intent of looking for who YOU want and stop focusing on a high-score! Like, what the hell do you have to lose, y’know? Just be 100% honest about it, both with yourself and potential interests! Are you socially awkward and anxious? Then TELL THEM! Worst case scenario, they’ll react like a sociopathic douchebag with zero empathy, in which case they will have dodged that bullet for you! But the best case scenario is that they’ll be able to empathise and will see that you are a human being with a heart, with thoughts and feelings, and they’ll not only appreciate your honesty, but they may even find your awkwardness comforting and endearing (the only people who have zero doubts about anything are those who are lying to themselves and to everyone around them).
And in the meantime, have fun! Pick up hobbies, read random books, spend hours topic-jumping on the internet, develop weird fixations, go for long walks, whatever! Keep busy and live your life!
P.S.: and before anyone thinks I’m just a confident person, I have news for you: I even second-guess the way I wipe my ass. But I just… get over it! I don’t know how else to put this, accept your doubts, accept that they’re there, then do it anyway! Maybe you’ll fuck up, but then you’ll have earnt a good life lesson if you look at it with honesty!
I want to give an alternative perspective that will hopefully help.
A lot of people make arbitrary lists of requirements, like they need these physical features, these hobbies, etc. Then when they’re getting to know people, they go one by one down that checklist to see if they measure up like they’re shopping for furniture instead of making a friend. Then they get frustrated that “nobody is interested in a relationship” when the fact is they’re just not interested in being treated like a product at a store.
My advice is to go out with the intent to make friends. It could turn out that you find a new hobby you really enjoy with one friend that just doesn’t hit the same with anyone else or by yourself. Maybe that’s DnD, quilting, or skating. Try new things with new people and maybe you’ll find companionship with someone you didn’t expect.
As you begin a new relationship, make sure you align on whatever’s most important to you, but be flexible with the rest, and be comfortable with the other person not changing in the ways you expect or want. Here are some things I think it’s goods to be picky about:
- long term plans and goals - what does ideal retirement look like? Are kids a possibility or necessity?
- religious/political values - you don’t need to agree, but you do need to be okay with any disagreement
- money - will you combine finances or keep things separate? What expectations do you have for discussing spending?
I think pretty much everything else becomes less important once you meet the right person.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt in 34 years of existing on this planet, it’s that feelings can’t be controlled - we can only control our actions, but good luck swimming against the current of what the heart desires. If someone wants to make friends, then that will be the intent. If someone wants a relationship, making friends will never suffice. And it’s ok to go out there with the intent of finding a partner specifically! In my opinion and experience, it really is counterproductive to go completely against what one knows one wants. I mean… what’s even the point, then?
I do agree with you in that one should know what one wants out of a relationship, the important things. As you’ve said, reproductive trajectory, goals, dreams, ideals, beliefs, lifestyle, these are all vital aspects. But it’s also ok if someone has more aspects on that list, my “vital” may look vastly different from anyone else’s “vital.” For instance, I delve into the abstracts as well. I need someone creative in my life, I need someone who understands hardships and doesn’t treat them as “just smile more, bro, you’ll get over it.” I need someone who understands their feelings, who works with and around them instead of trying to deny or control them. And I need someone who’s into weird shit, into grim and grotesque shit, because those are a large part of my life, of who I am.
Point is, it’s ok to want a relationship and not friendship! It’s ok to want specifics! As long as one goes out there with openness and honesty, and treats everyone with the respect all life deserves, without wanting or expecting someone to change for them, then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with however one chooses to go about things. All methods require an amount of compromise, one just has to decide what kind of compromise one is willing to make!
But that’s just it, openness, honesty and respect are VITAL. Be open to knowing a person on their own terms, just as you would like to be known. Be honest, always, about what you want, how you feel (or don’t feel!), and respect everyone’s right to define who they want to be without imposing who you’d want them to be - you either accept them as they are and into your life, or you ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE and move on. And then, back to respect - respect their decision around you, as well.
I honestly don’t know you personally, but my point is that maybe you don’t need all of that in one person. Maybe you just need someone who will support you in things you find value in and encourage you to pursue your passions, but you’ll actually pursue them with different groups of people.
And that’s the point of going out and making friendship a priority. Friends can meet a lot of needs and reduce what you need from a romantic partner. If you can separate what roles a romantic partner must satisfy from what can be satisfied by friend groups, your pool of potential partners increases substantially.
For example, I’m really nerdy and into a lot of weird technical stuff. My SO is quite different and doesn’t know what I’m talking about half the time, and is really into art and related things. We do things together where we overlap, and the rest is with other friend groups.
I think people get hung up looking for the perfect fit instead of a good fit.
openness, honesty and respect are VITAL
Exactly!
i guess it’s good for you that you’re an emotionless cold-hearted robot (at least that’s how you come across through your writing) because that means you’ll be able to slave away without regret, but there’s people who actually do want to have a future, and there’s no future without each other.
