So, I have a friend…
He’s the same age as me (but a few months older), bi and we’ve known each other for more than 10 years now, since elementary. He’s my only remaining true friend, because the other left me at the beginning of HRT.
So far, he’s been amazingly supportive. Like, probably the most supportive person after my bf. We talk a bit on Discord, mostly my messages tho (I think I annoy him a bit tbh 😆)
A couple of days ago…I was feeling good about myself. Great, even. Felt great about my HRT progress and I was feeling, for once in a very long time, kinda happy with myself.
And in that state of happiness and excitement, a mistake was made…
(This is the approximate conversation on Discord we had)
M - me
V - him
M: “Hey, so…I know I haven’t shown you any pics, but my HRT progress is going quite well rn. It’s really motivating.”
M: “So…if you’re ready…”
M: (links to timeline post on Trans Joy)
M: “You don’t really have to look if you don’t want to. It’s just…I find it quite informational and tbh, interesting.”
V: “Okay, Imma be honest…”
V: “It’s a bit strange to see the naked body of someone I know…especially when that person is a girl.”
V: “And, tbh…”
V: “If I hadn’t known it was you, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between these and pics of a cis woman…”
M: “Stahp 😭. It’s not true, you’re just trying to be kind…”
V: “Nah, for real tho. Those are some pics you see on NSFW subreddits.”
V: “Not trying to be kind, I’m just telling the truth.”
V: “In fact, some time ago, had I not known these were your photos, they would have been something that I used for pleasure…”
Now, this conversation got slightly strange and after his last message (which he deleted), he started apologizing to me for being weird or creepy.
I don’t blame him at all for this. I know that he has a strong preference for small chests…I knew that and sent the link anyway. I should have seen it coming. What is wrong with me? I regret making it awkward between us so fucking much.
I was just really excited in the moment and thought “Fuck it”. I just wanted him to share my happiness…if only for a moment. It was a dumb thing to do.
Girls…
Please don’t do what I did 😭
It was dumb and I should have known. Please, lovely people of Lemmy, please be smarter than me 🩷
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nah, ima do what you did, except in a lewd friend circle where everyone already shares porn to eachother. I’ve been gooning socially for so long that I’ve known some of these people since before COVID19. We’re good friends.
Girl, this was supposed to be a warning what NOT to do, not a freaking tutorial 😭
You do you tho. Enjoy ❤️
I’ve been so close to sharing nudes with male friends recently, because sometimes I’m just feeling myself and I want some validation, and there’s something deeply gender affirming about a cis lesbian or straight man thinking you’re hot. I get why you had the urge, but I agree it’s probably not great idea to actually do.
It is pretty hot thinking about my guy friends getting all flustered by me, ngl. But bad, bad Domi, no!
All friends can have problems or hitba rough patch. REAL friends can talk it out and let it go.
And let me tell ya, real friends, like what i think this is from the description, are too rare and worth fighting to keep.
I wish i would have taken my own advise 40 years ago
there’s something deeply gender affirming about a cis lesbian or straight man thinking you’re hot
Honestly…this is so true. I don’t think I can imagine (for myself, personally) anything more affirming…
I get why you had the urge, but I agree it’s probably not great idea to actually do
It was such a stupid idea…
At least I learned to never do that again 😆It is pretty hot thinking about my guy friends getting all flustered by me, ngl
Domi, noooo 😭
It is! But I need to get those thoughts out of my head, before I do something dumb again 😭I’ll do my best to stay out of trouble 🥺
I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but I think you were being provocative. You sent links to nude pics of yourself and got upset when he liked them. That’s on you.
You know, the more I reread your comment, my post and my friend’s messages…the more I think you totally hit the nail on the head.
What’s worse is that I didn’t even realize how bad it looked. In the moment, it seemed like a good idea
Why am I like this? 😭It’s understandable. You’re proud of them and want to show them off. But men get weird around tits and you should remember that for the future.
I will…
I didn’t understand just how weird they could get…I still blame myself, but now I’ll know not to do it in the future, at least
Don’t blame yourself for men being gross.
Don’t beat yourself up this happens to every human I guarantee it.
You won’t get downvoted for this, because you’re completely right. This is totally on me and I’m not trying to argue with that fact at all.
and got upset when he liked them
I did not get upset. If I’m being completely honest, his comments (while unbelievable) were a big confidence boost. I wasn’t upset at all (at him, at least).
Yah, girl. But the question she’s asking isn’t “how did this happen,” it’s “what do I do now?”
No one is focused on whose fault this is, because it doesn’t even really matter anymore. These boobs HAVE BEEN seen.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Boobs are normal. Sex is normal. If you feel like you’ve overstepped your own boundaries in a moment of elation, it can be said. If you want to clarify that this share does not mean in any way that you want your relationship to change into something else, it can be said. This is a mistake that can be fixed. Easier said than done, I know. By what you’re saying your friend seems to have gone further than he wish he had as well. Please please don’t just throw away a friendship over this.
I overstepped both my and his boundaries. He has a bf and I let him know, we talked it out.
He was completely cool with it. He even said that he was glad that I have someone to share it with. He’s trans too, and I didn’t want to send the timeline to him (he didn’t ask for it anyway), because in my mind, it might trigger his dysphoria, which I did NOT want.Needless to say, I feel really bad and won’t ever do something like that again.
Keep my timeline updated, sure…but I’ll keep the link to myself, at least 😆Their relationship is stable, it’s very heartwarming to see them together and I’m happy for them both 💜
Thanks for the update, and good job! I’m glad for the way it turned out.
A curse of being hot is going to be navigating how to deal with friends being attracted to you. A good friend telling you he would absolutely jerk off to your pictures is actually not too far out of left field for some women. Congrats on having a 🎉🎊🎉girl problem🎉🎊🎉
From here, if they made you uncomfortable, I wouldn’t show any more nudes to this friend. I would also think about what they might say if they were interested in hooking up with you and be prepared to respond.
If you’re both interested in each other, this is a classic friends to lovers story. Otherwise, be firm and respectful of your boundaries. They will never follow rules you don’t tell them. Good luck!!
A curse of being hot is going to be navigating how to deal with friends being attracted to you
This is a problem that I legitimately thought I’d never have to deal with…
Buuut, I have to say…having a girl problem sounds (and feels) quite affirming ♥️He didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all…I think I made him feel way more uncomfortable about himself. Poor guy…😭
I would also think about what they might say if they were interested in hooking up with you and be prepared to respond
Never, ever, ever did the thought of having to reject someone one day even slip my mind. My entire life, I’ve been something repulsive and undesirable…this is extremely new to me.
I hope it doesn’t have to come to that, because I have a bf and also…he can do better, I’m sure 😭If this was a “friends to lovers” scenario, it’d actually be really sweet and romantic, because we are basically childhood friends. But I don’t think that’s the path I’d like to take.
Anyways, thank you so much 💜
Just talk it out imo, you both will feel better
Me and his bf talked it out, he was completely fine with it. I feel a bit better and I also think it’s fair to let him know that I did something so stupid involving his boyfriend…
You meant no harm, it doesn’t come off like you did to me at least. I’m so glad you were able to talk it out!
Another friend and me think that being naked is hilarious and fun. So every so often on new years we hop on discord with friends and have what we have deemed “nude years ball drop”. We turn on the webcams and sit full ass naked and drink.
Nothing wrong with being naked, it’s those other people that make it weird. If you’re comfortable with showing off, good on you. Don’t let weirdos question your confidence, or make you question it yourself.
Being naked is fun tho! Right now, I don’t enjoy it as much as I could, but after SRS, nobody will be capable of forcing me to wear clothes 😭
That’s really cute! 🩷 It sounds like you have great friends. I might…borrow that idea. New years is around the corner :3
Thank you! Thanks so much ♥️
In college I once attended a naked tea party (not a school sanctioned event). It was odd, but delightful and did a great job of destigmatizing nudity. I later had a few more naked hangouts with college friends that were completely nonsexual (in addition to plenty of ones that weren’t with other college friends)
(not a school sanctioned event)
😂
That sounds really cool! In a nonsexual way, I totally see the appeal. Especially the destigmatizing nudity, that’s awesome!Damn, I should try that sometime 😆
Yeah it was really fun. That stage of life in general, while extremely difficult for me, was an absolute blast in a lot of ways. Early adulthood is the perfect time to do things that expand your horizons and challenge social norms. The one I attended was hosted by someone I knew through my university’s trans community.
In general, if you’ve got your own place and community with other like-minded young people you may want to try hosting such a thing. Though, be prepared that you may get pushback if people don’t trust you have no ulterior motives, and as you saw in this post it can make things awkward.
You aren’t to blame for other’s reactions, feelings, desires or wants.
I have some friends Im similarly close with and when I came out to them, one just walked up groped my boobs with disbelief in his eyes. It’s okay, we’ve always been physical friends. It’s definitely crazy the reactions you can get from people when you come out though.
I have a friend that knew me way before I transitioned and we were always really touchy with each other. One day a few months after I began transitioning we were joking around with each other and he pokes me right on the boob (which wasn’t really there yet) and just freezes, says “waaaiiitttt” really slowly, then we just look at each other like 😯.
I just started laughing and was like “yeaaa so that’s different now, huh?” Establishing new boundaries is a very interesting experience especially when they’re inadvertently crossed.
If this broke your boundaries, that would be unhinged, creepy behavior. But if you say you’re okay with that, it’s kind of…cute? Ig?
Anyway, congrats on having such good friends 💜
It was unexpected, but I wouldn’t say it broke my boundaries. Idk if I would call it cute. My friends aren’t cute types. They’re kinda dumb and impulsive and I’ve always just considered it funny. They’re super supportive though and I’m thankful for that. I’m not the first trans person in the friend group though and all my friends are gay, bi or some kind of queer. I’d be pretty shocked if they weren’t supportive.
Unexpected for sure. That would have surprised the hell out of me 😭
TMI, NSFW
Especially since my reaction to someone else touching me is so freaking different to just me touching myself…
When I touch them, it’s just relaxing…
But when my bf does it, it’s intensely arousing, and also relaxing 🩷I guess “cute” wasn’t the correct word…I just imagined someone coming up to you and, with utter disbelief in their eyes, “checking” if your boobs really were…well, boobs 😆
I found it kind of funny.
Funny probably isn’t the right word either in this context…I’m sorryI’m glad they’re supportive tho. Good and supportive friends are really important, especially on such a hard journey like transitioning ❤️
No need to apologize. It kinda stunned me and some of my friends have been acting odd since. I don’t really have a good way to describe it myself. It definitely was funny though. I unfortunately haven’t experienced the whole “erogenous zone” changes yet. I have sensory issues though so that might never come.
I unfortunately haven’t experienced the whole “erogenous zone” changes yet. I have sensory issues though so that might never come.
Oh…I’m really sorry about that. That was one of the big HRT effects for me.
I’m so sorry. Despite your sensory issues, I do hope you actually experience it…
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There was no need to delete your comment…it was all good advice.
I think I have a pretty good understanding of what our relationship is like. I just overstepped my own (and his) boundaries and I’ve apologized. We talked it out…
Also, damn girl, but I checked your profile and you’re so pretty, omg 😭
Thanks so much for the kind words 🩷Happy to help, Miisha, and I’m glad to hear you two figured it out! :)
And I should’ve left it up. I have a tendency to write looong comments and in the moment I thought, hey, all this other advice is great too, and way more succinct lol.
You’re super cute too and you’ve made so much progress in the past few months. Just imagine how things will be in five years!
Noo, I totally get that. I do it too sometimes. Write an essay and be like “But wait…I could have just written 2 sentences”
You’re good 🩷You’re super cute too and you’ve made so much progress in the past few months
Thank you! That’s really kind of you. I swear to god, sometimes I see my mom in the mirror…
It’s a win tho 😆Just imagine how things will be in five years!
I’ll be 25 in 5 years, I don’t want to even think about that 😭
Jeez, I’m old…
