Well, I finally gathered the courage to have my coming out to my mother. Overall I would rate the experience a solid 4/10. The first reaction was kinda trash (She replied with, “does that really have to be”) and then later complained, that I told it to her at around 8pm, because now she will think about it and probably wont be able to sleep that easily. Some of her not so nice other reactions:
- You wont take surgeries (I replied with we’ll see)
- I shouldnt have dressed you as a girl that one time in my last week of school (I told her that I have indications of me being trans before that)
- But maybe what you feel isnt what you interpret out of it
After the last thing I wanted to explain, why I am devinetively sure I am trans, but she interrupted me with “I want to take a shower (bruh) now and you can tell this when the rest [of the family] is there too, so you dont have to tell it 3 times (She kinda got a point there)”
But luckyly enough she seemed willing to accept it (“We dont really have any choice”), and agreed to tell the rest of the family (yay). She also said, that I will continue to be her child, so I guess thats a win. She was absolutely shocked, but she will get over it.
When taking into consideration, that my parents are conspiracy theorists, this is about the best possible outcome I could have hoped for. It could have been much worse, especially when taking into consideration, that there whole social circle are also conspiracy theorists, of which some are right wing and I also heard such nice statements as “The WHO wants to make us all gay” (or something like that) from one of their friends.
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Goodness that must have been tough. Well done!
Sounds like a lot of shock and denial from your mother, but as you say, I’m sure she’ll get over it in time,
You should be very proud of yourself <3
Congrats on coming out and being your true self, that was a very brave thing to do.
Your mother, like many parents, had hopes and dreams about who you would become as a person. She’s now being faced with the prospect that those hopes and dreams are dead, that the person she thought you would become is gone. She’s going to need to grieve and from what you’ve written here it seems that process has started. Shock, denial, bargaining, some level of acceptance. I expect anger and depression might show up at some point. It doesn’t necessarily happen in sequence and can cycle too. She’s going to need some time to process, but what’s positive is she’s not outright rejecting who you are, there’s room for her to grow.
My parents weren’t hostile when I came out as gay, but I heard similar things - it’s just a phase. Are you sure? Was it something we did? Where did we go wrong? What will your life become? Over time they came to accept it and told my extended family (including my very religious Pentecostal grandmother). Everyone is now very welcoming of my wife and my parents are delighted to be grandparents to our kids. I know it’s not the same, but there is hope for things to get better, just keep being authentically you.
My advice is that you don’t make your emotional wellbeing dependent on your mom.
Your medical healthcare is not really her concern and I think that your reaction was a good compromise of standing up for yourself and not giving up very personal information or agency.
Also, you’re not responsible for her emotional well-being - that’s not something for adults to take out on their children.
Sadly, in the world we live in, 4/10 counts as a success. But good on you, and I hope you feel the weight of having to tell lifted, and that the days ahead are brighter.
Good for you! It takes a lot of courage to do what you did and I’m very proud of you for asserting yourself and moving one step forward with living your authentic self. Keep up the good work!!
The WHO wants to make us all gay
I’m definitely gonna copy that one. :P
jokes aside, i’m sorry and happy for you at the same time. sorry that it was so difficult, and happy that you did it :)
keep walking your path :D
It’s interesting to see how your rating actually went down from the last summary I’ve seen (the one in German). However, this time around your mother’s reaction actually does sound worse.
Honestly, you’ve described her as someone I’d not want to even keep in contact with. But that’s of course entirely up to you. Best of luck on your journey in any case!
Yeah, in retrospect I came to the conclusion to rank it down a bit.
My mother is actually a quite fine person, if you ignore that she’s a conspiracy theorist. This is also the reason, why I am quite happy about not having to live with them anymore, but it isn’t so bad, that I would completely cut contact with them. Also I Am financially dependent on my parents, so even if I wanted to cut contact I wouldn’t really be able to.
Damn your mother sound like my mother, so I guess this has been the best possible outcome given the circumstances?
Still you can be very proud of your courage you showed then!
Your mother sounds like a huge narcissist.
Good luck girl, you got this! 💖🤍💙
She isnt a narcissist, shes just absolutely shocked and overwhelmed.
Okay good for you then!
Myeeah, narcissist or not, she fumbled a lot of opportunities to show empathy here. It sounds like she wanted you to know what an ordeal this was for her which I think is pretty shitty. I admire your tenacity in sticking out the conversation.
Also I don’t know if she does have a point about having to repeat yourself. I personally felt much more comfortable coming out to every friend and family member one–by–one, and must have repeated myself at least 20 times now. I felt more confident and empowered each time. It also served as good practice in owning my identity when it came time to change my name legally, and everything that came along with that.
The bottom line is that it’s totally up to you how you want to come out, fast or slow, privately or publicly. You shouldn’t have to be made more uncomfortable than the whole thing already is.
