This thought has been bugging me for the past few months. Out of my ~15 partners, only 4 would I describe as “conventionally attractive,” and all of those were decidedly fem (1 cis f, 2 tf, 1 sissy), and they were all bottoms. I (32tf) can’t and don’t want to top.
I consider myself pan and I say I like men, but in practice I only like soft and androgynous types. Fem tops are unicorns, and I seem to only be able to maintain relationships for ~6 months at most. My last relationship with a man was such a disaster that I’m tempted to swing the other way, except I don’t want to be an ace side or whatever terms people use to justify what amount to platonic relationships. I’m also too busy to really care about anyone right now. How do other transfems navigate this kind of sexual/romantic difficulty?
Thanks for your thoughtful response. Transgirls really are the best. I like your kink-informed perspective, as that is how my sexuality works as well. It’s hard to find people who get it, so I tend to stick with whoever’s down regardless of their top or bottom roles, and I’m either forced to act like a man or constantly subjugated. (One would think a tf would have the decency to not call the other “daddy” but they were hot so I didn’t let it get to me.) It takes considerable effort for me to top bc my blood pressure is low, lingering heteronormative framings of my gender role, and a little trauma. Using my dick is the hard part (no pun intended). But yeah, under ideal circumstances I would love to have long switchy sex operas with a fellow tf. <3