Can you believe it folks, I’m outside in my jorts, old man shorts, sunning myself, with no sunscreen mind you, that stuff causes cancer, and Iran, of all people, tries to drone strike me in my naval. Very rude, I’ll have you know, I have actually the strongest naval of any president, that, quite frankly, anyone has ever seen. 
It’s a good thing we have a stable genius for president and not a greedy pig that you can literally just pay for access. Otherwise you might have the fucking my pillow guy being regularly spotted in the rose garden
A cool tom Clancy plot would be like a foreign actor gifting the president a jumbo jet and wrapping the wiring harness in c4 or something lol can you imagine shit would never happen in real life but Hollywood is crazy the shit they come up with