Personal favorite is twat waffle
“No, u”
Mr. Roger’s would be disappointed in you.
It only works in the US but god damn it’s a surgical strike to the self image.
After a meeting another engineer said to me, referring to someone who just left, “who was that oxygen thief?”
I replied, “my manager”… Putting the laughter in slaughter with that comment.
“It could be raining tits and you’d look up and catch a dick.”
“Calm down. You’re acting very presidential right now.”
“Wisdom pursues you, but you’ve managed to outrun it.”
or
“Wow, it must have taken all three of your brain cells to come up with that.”
You spunk trumpet.
They couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel
We have a similar one to this when someone is incompetent which is “They couldn’t organise a pissup in a brewery”.
Couldn’t organise a root in a brothel
But I’m a genius in France!
Please apologize to the tree that produced the oxygen you breathe.
“You couldn’t draw a circle with a round glass”
“Are you a professional moron, or just a gifted amateur?” - Carl Johnson, GTA: San Andreas. Top tier.
I go with “Are you a professional fuckwit or is it just a hobby?” But its really the same joke.
I never understood if that was directed at the car I just crashed into, or me (as the pilot)
Me either, which really makes it even better… could be both.
“Wow, you’re the worst part of both your parents”
Burn!
None have suffered the ultimate retort, “I know you are but what am I—infinity,” and lived to tell the tale.
Oooh that infinity at the end! That’s all time. Literally.
Would you like another try or is that actually the best you can do?
What are you doing?!?
You want to go with slightly condescending, like you are giving the person the benefit of assuming they will recognize their behavior is ridiculous or dumb if you just point it out, and they just didn’t realize yet because they got wrapped up in their mind with the nonsense.
For example: What are you doing? While motioning vaguely at the Huskers.
