Top… of the list for layoffs 🫪

Don’t ever message me again you piece of sh17.

Putting a layer just inside your nostrils to catch pollen and help with hayfever

You found the recipe? I’m still reading about how the recipe reminds them of warm summer evenings walking along the banks of the river, shortly after they adopted their rescue pup but before the birth of their first child. I’m sure the ingredients list will turn up soon.

I initially thought this was a cat-related meme for some reason

This, but wife

Me personally? No.

The drones can remain airborne for about eight minutes on a single battery charge

1. Hear drone
2. Hide for 8 minutes
3. Drone evaded

This is the first I’m heading of this ‘Nord Loneliness Epidemic’

[Everyone disliked that]

How do you get an elephant into a bikini?

1. Open bikini
2. Remove the manatee from the bikini
3. Open fridge
4. Remove elephant from fridge
5. Insert elephant into bikini
6. Close bikini

Meme was cut short.

“How’d they get the manatee in a bikini?
And is it single?”

Weiner touching porcelain:
hot dog on a fancy plate ✅
sitting down to pee 🤢

Reply below with a ‘tut-tut’ to do your part for justice. Do it for America!

Tut-tut

Hey look, he’s doing that thing you all already knew he was doing!

The entrant from any new country must do Carpool Karaoke with James Corden. Can’t think of anything more cringe right now

In retaliation I now post notice that from today Sony does not own the money I transfer to them in exchange for goods or services. They have a limited, time bound, non-exclusive license to those funds which may be revoked by me at any time. By accepting my money, Sony also agrees to mandatory arbitration overseen by my 10 year old cat.

Being silently judged by the can before I even get my hand into it 👀

Dozens of Israelis from the country’s security, political and cultural elite have threatened legal action against their government over support for Jewish terrorism and an “ideology of ethnic cleansing” in the occupied West Bank, according to a leaked letter.

Two former prime ministers, former heads of all the Israeli security services, former judges, a Nobel laureate and the country’s most revered living novelist were among the signatories to a “final warning” over violence against Palestinians.

They demanded immediate action to “eradicate Jewish terrorism”, cataloguing years of attacks – including murder, sexual assault, theft, arson and desecration of the dead – by civilian and military perpetrators who acted with “almost complete impunity”.