Feels like pressure.

At times it’s just a barely noticeable background level of weight, like sure I can handle this, no big deal. At other times, it feels like a crushing weight, painful, can barely even sleep, and all I can do is seek some kind of gender affirming euphoria to feel some relief.

Tonight is one of the latter, after feeling like I clothed myself in lies and had to perform all day, the pressure is unbearable. Looking forward to an evening of painting nails, makeup and spinny skirt.

It’s a built in, central facet:

This Time Is Different: Eight Centuries Of Financial Folly

Said Hera, Athena and Aphrodite, trying to get that golden apple.

Ask your endo about adding progesterone.

Same. Joined at the Digg migration. Left at the 3rd party App-ocolypse. Reddit is dead. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that it’s a zombie: with more bots than actual human users, it’s the Dead Internet Theory in action.

Spent about the past 2 months going, uh this egg isn’t broken, it’s uh… Meanwhile getting yolk and broken shell all over. Coming out of the shell is not a linear process.

On the plus side, I went to Pride House for the first time and met some cool and kind folks. It was nice to be Out for the first time.

In retrospect, it’s funny to me now that I was feeling afraid and sick to my stomach to the point of shaking and nearly throwing up, and their response was just so relaxed and cool. I asked if they weren’t surprised and the answer was no.

Like… WHO AM I FOOLING? ONLY MYSELF? DID EVERYONE ELSE GET THE MEMO FIRST?

Ugh, same. Can’t bear to think how many people I must have alienated or hurt with such behavior. I suppose there’s nothing to be done about the past, but listen to its lessons to be better, kinder me in the future.

I came out to the one person that matters most, and everything was OK. Like better than OK. What was the point of all that internal torture I put myself through? Finally feel like I can breathe again.

Still think the gods are having a huge laugh at my expense over the timing though.

Your comment made me realize with new clarity how much male relationships are built on a shock factor comedic antics and edgy humor, which include casual homophobia and misogyny, racism or just generally “punching down.”

But also, ick.

Me too female sign emoji hexadecimal, me too.

Hugs.

🎶

I can’t see clearly now dysphoria’s gone.

I can clear all obstacles to my peace.

We’re all our worst critics in our own heads.

Wanna see your bright, bright beautiful smile.

🎶

They want your dog to like them??? 😭❤️😭💘

I’m afraid to ask, but was balding an issue for you? (You mentioned several decades.) And is there anything to be done? I’m having next level dysphoria about my hair right now.

Had my own That Dream recently.

You know how in the movie Interstellar, there is the tesseract, an endless matrix grid showing moments in space and time?

In the dream I am in my own Trans Tesseract, seeing images of myself at future points in time going through the various stages of transition.

Woke up and my first thought was, “What a very normal cishet dream. I think I need to check some things…”

My egg cracked 💀