I think the “I’m baby” is the result of using voice to text while she’s in the car on the way home. I don’t think she’s crafting messages in a way usual of anyone. She is spending the minimum amount of time on the phone to let her daughter know she has been heard, then focusing the rest of her energy on getting back there asap.

Fold your phone in to a paper plane to enter airplane mode. It won’t stop you from receiving calls, but it will look badass when your $2000 Samsung phone makes it several feet down the cul-de-sac

In order to call your mom, you have to:

Pick a color

Pick a number

Pick a number

Pick a number

No, not that number, Nora just did that and it’s not funny to get the same one twice

Okay, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… Flips open page

You’re a turd

Wanna try again?

Well, personally, I didn’t choose to celebrate this planet arbitrarily. I chose it because I live there.

My grandma always told of a legendary man in my hometown, who would always take his horse to the local bar in the 1950s. When he got too drunk and fell asleep, the other patrons would carry him outside and sling him sideways over the horse, which would then trot off in to the night, supposedly delivering him safely at home.

I know that’s not very scientific evidence, but I always took it to be true. Maybe someone can concur.

I think I spilled a little bit in my underpants

You know that bastard is already corrupted. When the connection is cut off dirty like that, there is no salvaging it.

This made me feel kind of hopeful for some reason. Also, nice foo fighters reference

I was born in 96. My first console generation was PSX and GBC, followed by GBA and PS2. I think your gf just wasn’t in to gaming when she was little.

Assistant Post Flight Fluffer

If he had a nickel for every time he’s seen that reaction, he would be hospitalized

That’s her? Lmao I had no idea

The UK sports experience

The absence of a cat implies nothing is there. So the opposite of a cat is nothing (specifically nothing where a cat should have been).

So, another acceptable answer would be “what is up? Nothing.”

Go back to try again, now that you have confirmation the old password was, in fact, correct:

Wrong password

Scandinavia, like that guy guessed, is right

In my town, there are mostly electric vehicles nowadays. I was out walking along a larger road in my neighborhood when I noticed a bus and two cars passing each other, and it suddenly hit me that earlier in my life, that would have been a very noisy affair, but it wasn’t. I also realized how much the world used to smell like gas. And does anyone else remember the rainbow colored gas puddles you used to see and smell in parking lots? I don’t remember the last time I saw any of those.

Then I realized there is a world where my kids can grow up outside of noise pollution, cigarette smoke and car fumes, and it made me a little more hopeful about the future.

I mean, using your voice to influence the outcome of politics is kind of how a democracy works. Ideally, at least. But I agree with your sentiment.

Also, for a second I imagined a scenario where voting is done by small groups in booths, booing for the politicians they don’t like and clapping for the ones they like, and then someone would watch the tapes and just count how many people booed and clapped at every politician.

Consensual? Kids cannot consent. Kids are confused, curious hormone bombs who are easily manipulated and tend to put a lot of trust in adults who sound like they know what they’re doing. That’s the entire point of why we place that responsibility on the adults, and not the kids who don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

That’s her exhaust fan, you pervert!