A high profile, vocal survivor of a human trafficking case involving the president of the United States and a UK royalty, offs herself weeks after being involved in a car crash that almost killed her. That’s almost Russian Windows levels of coincidence right there.

In French we have liaisons, where in basically every word ending with an s followed by a word starting with a vowel, the s is pronounced “z”. For instance, mes amis (my friends) is pronounced “mez amis” instead of “meh amis”, des oiseaux (some birds) is “dez oiseaux” and not “deh oiseaux”. One of the many things that makes French hard to learn for foreigners.

Hey man, sorry you feel that way… You’ve probably heard it before, but suicide is a definitive solution to temporary problems. I hope you can find the courage to take the first step and ask for help before it’s too late. I don’t know where you live but there are probably hotlines or government run platforms to give you the resources you need. Best of luck to you…

Based on an experience similar to yours, I can tell you need to be honest with your intentions and feelings (with yourself first and foremost, and with your crush afterwards).
A friendship in which one side wants more than the other is usually not healthy and not viable in the long run. That builds resentment and regret.
Keep in mind that a lot of women are put in uncomfortable positions when faced with a situation like this. It can make them feel used and the longer you wait to be honest with your intentions, the harder the fall will be for both of you.