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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 24th, 2023

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  • When an extreme majority of those rapists and abusers are men, how are men not the problem? Given the fact you are getting defensive when nobody is talking about you shows you’re a part of the problem. You’re ignoring the issue among men to get caught up in semantics. You are literally just responding by calling them bigotted. That is, once again, not a super nice thing to do. You really should use a different username.

    You cannot simply ignore systematic oppression. That is a key detail when discussing societal issues.

    NOBODY IS JUDGING YOU. Can you get that through your thick skull? I thought I said it time and time again in the last comment. THEY ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MAN. THEY AREN’T TALKING ABOUT YOU. Stop taking shit literally and using it as an excuse to ignore their extremely real complaints.


  • It is a different problem though. Men do no have the same systematic sexism women face. There are absolutely problems men face, but they are different. Women are much more often taken advantage of, abused, and discriminated against for their sex. So when we talk about womens problems, to then mention mens problems is pulling away attention from the problems women face. Men have historically held most, if not all, the power. That is still true to this day. Men abuse that power over women more than women abuse that power over men.

    Not to mention, the problems men face when coming out about abuse are ENTIRELY different problems than a woman faces, like you said so yourself. That alone seems to me like the issues are different, meaning they would have different solutions to them. Thus, their movements would be two separate movements.


  • Your biggest problem is you are reading “not all men” as a literal. Not everything has to be taken literally. Language absolutely can work that way, and very often does. When a woman talks about the countless men that have harassed her, and she says “men disgust me” and your response to that is “not all men disgust you, right” then you have completely missed the point. She is conveying the hurt that has fell upon her by many men, and that is the part that should be addressed. Not the technicalities of who she is talking about exactly. And it is absolutely incorrect if your response to that was to call her a bigot or an objectively bad person.

    Comparing the black race to sexist men is also a terrible comparison. Black people have historically been oppressed. There is countless literature on just the problems black men and women have faced in the last 50 years. The systematic issues with race are an entirely different beast, and not at all comparable to the issue with men.

    Men have historically been the oppressors. There is no systematic oppression they’re battling. They are the ones with the majority of the power. They are simply continuing to abuse those they either have power over, or feel they have power over.

    So again, don’t get hyperfixated on this “not all men” because even when people make a generalized statement, they are not talking about LITERALLY ALL MEN, they are talking about a problem they’ve experienced enough from one common group that they are able to widely complain about it. If you went day after day of constant cat calling, womanizing, discrimination, dick picks, mansplaining, and god knows what else women have to deal with, you might be saying things like that too. I don’t know if it’s a man thing, or if some people that take these things super literally have diagnosed or undiagnosed autism, or what ever else, but they (myself included at one point) seem to not be able to understand the fact that generalized statements aren’t talking about everyone but a common issue they have.

    I get it, you want them to say “Some men” or might even be fine with them saying “most men” but that isn’t going to happen when someone is fed up with the treatment they’ve faced from men. They’re fed up with the treatment they’ve faced their entire lives, and they’re saying something about it. That is not bigotry. Period.


  • The difference here is the frequency with all of these things. It’s easy to find a man that hasn’t been cheated on by a woman. It’s easy to find someone that hasn’t been robbed (by anyone, let alone by a black man or woman). I am not joking that I don’t think I could find a woman that hasn’t, at minimum, been sexually harassed by a man, if not assaulted.

    You say “if you search hard enough you’ll find it” except one doesn’t have to search for this issue. It’s simply everywhere. Men sexually harassing women is literally everywhere. You are dismissing their evidence by suggesting “of course you can find that somewhere” suggesting the evidence they gave was too specific. But yet most porn sites are FILLED with problematic content and ads, each more specific than the next. So it’s not just about this specific “rape roleplay” scenario, it’s about all of the countless scenarios widespread across the internet.

    Recognizing a systematic issue is not sexism. Trying to minimize its prevalence by saying “not all men” is problematic. And not something I would expect with the username of “superniceperson”


  • because most men aren’t rapists, yet a surprisingly high number of women get sexually assaulted/raped, It seems like the problem is not that most men are predators, but that our society is letting the minority that are get away with it repeatedly.

    It’s much muddier than that. Most cases of rape are someone the victim trusted. And most of those cases don’t ever get reported to authorities. So there are many men may have taken advantage of a woman, and that woman see’s him as an abuser, but nearly nobody in that mans life even knows about this. The victim may stay silent for any number of reasons. There are almost definitely cases like that involving men you know, but are unaware of what they did. As for the solution to these cases? Societal norms need to change. Consent needs to be required every time no matter what. There should never be pressure for sex, and peers should not encourage pressuring a woman into sex. Instead, the man will say the person stepping in is “cock blocking” when in reality they’re defending someone who doesn’t want to have sex with them. Men will back up other men in an attempt to help their bro “get their dick wet”. They will get women drunk in hopes they will have reduced inhibitions, or perhaps so drunk they don’t even remember the night. This is not as simple as “lock up the bad guys” when very few cases of rape involve being snatched up off the street.

    When I said it’s “bound to pop up” I was talking specifically about the online communities mentioned.

    Gotcha, I misunderstood what you were saying. I do still disagree that groups like that are bound to pop up, at least not as much as they are right now. I think womanizing groups are far more common than dedicated racist groups online. Racism has taken a massive downward trend over the last hundred years. Of course, it is not fixed, very far from it. But I also think it is undeniable that racism is less of a problem than it was 50 years ago. That is the kind of societal change we want. If the internet were around 50 years ago, the insane number of group chats dedicated to racism would have been far larger than they are now. Bringing awareness to these issues, and especially men standing up to other men, is what will help bring a decline to the number of vocal sexist pigs and their echo chambers.


  • That’s why I always feel the need to mention it just incase it helps somebody down the line. Let’s do better together!

    If someone is talking about an issue, it is not helpful to bring up a different issue. They are not dismissing the other issue, it’s simply not the topic being discussed. To bring up another issue when one is trying to be discussed is actually dismissive of the problem at hand. It’s like you’re trying to change the subject. You should not try to bring awareness of a problem on the thread of a different problem. Just create a thread about the problem, where the subject at hand can be that alone. If you made a post about men being victimized, and someone said “but what about women being victimized” I’m sure you could see that being problematic and dismissive.

    You are absolutely going to see more posts about women being victimized. That does not mean people do not care about victimized men, it just means it’s happening to women more often. There should absolutely be support and a movement for men. But, at least right now, it is separate from the movement for women.




  • As a man, it’s also reasonable to say this is nearly non existent among women. Does it happen? Of course. But not nearly to the scale it happens among men.

    It’s moreso a matter of semantics. If someone says “Men are disgusting”, you don’t have to take it literally. It’s conveying the meaning that there is a large enough amount of men that are doing this that it is a massive problem in nearly every woman’s life. The saying would be a bit less valid if it was so extremely prevalent. But as it stands, I can go up to just about any young woman, and they more than likely would have (at least) been sexually harassed by a man.

    So sure, with as many people as there are, it’s “bound to pop up” but saying it that way seems to undermine just how prevalent it is. And correcting a statement that expresses the sentiment that this is a large problem by saying “But not all men are bad” is counterproductive. They are talking about the systematic issue among men. You could instead respond with “Yea, we need systematic changes” or something along the lines that address the concern they are raising.


  • I hate the tariffs (and everything else about the orange man), I think they’re a terrible idea. But you’re absolutely right.

    Especially right now, Lemmy is an extreme echo chamber. I agree with most of the things being echoed, which is why I’m here, but I also recognize it’s pretty bad.

    Your questions was entirely reasonable, and well stated, and a lot of people are just being dismissive, insulting, or saying “just because”. And truth be told, the answer really is a complex one, and would require an actual professional to give a good response.


  • Using hot water beforehand was what caused my irritation. I had a dermatologist recommend using a tri-head electric razor before showering with a dry face. I bought one for $50 a few years back and it’s been a night and day difference for me. I used to get pretty bad skin irritation, despite doing all the suggested things. It’s not as close of a shave, but my skin is a lot healthier. I’ve seen some people say they’ve benefited from only using cold water when shaving, but dry shaving has been the best route for me.


  • Your problem is likely washing your face before shaving, especially if you’re using warm/hot water.

    This was a big problem for me as well. My problem was the fact that my face was wet while shaving or was washed before hand, which caused a lot of dryness and irritation. I was recommended to use an electric Philips Norelco tri-head razor, and use it BEFORE showering while my face was completely dry. After showering, your face is too dry from the heat. The shave isn’t as close with the electric as it is with a regular razor, but it’s pretty close and I no longer battle with the acne from shaving, which is well worth the tradeoff.

    Regardless, it may be good to see a dermatologist anyway, but that’s what worked for me and was recommended by a dermatologist.