Hi

Girls, Im not doing great. Ive been out of a relationship for a nearly 4 months. Not long but the tail end of the relationship looked very much more like a friendship with no affection. We decided to just be friends, and that has worked out quite well.

However I really need a long long hug. I dealt with a lot of loneliness like this before my relationship, and honestly the only thing I could think of was how cool it would be to just get hugged. No sex, no kisses. Just a hug.

A lot of the methods like plushies and stuff do work a little, but it maybe fills 10% of what I need.

I worry about this, since it pulls me towards looking for a relationship when I know I am not ready. It was like that last time tbh, and I was just lucky to find someone so nice. Im worried I wouldnt this time but because im so lonely and touch starved i would just deal with it.

I wish I could ask my friends not just for a hug, but like a full on cuddle. But theyre either in relationships so that would be considered cheating, or they would consider my request as me being interested romantically.

Sorry for another negative post. Most days arent great atm. Its hard to not spiral all the time. Yesterday was ok, it was nice seeing people comment on my outfit being cute. It was nice to feel comfortable in my body.

Ill try to be more positive.

Thanks for reading.

-Minty

  • minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
    3·
    4 days ago

    The latter is unfortunately the natural assumption in the physical reality because oh what a travesty, someone wants to non-romantically non-sexually feel the warmth and comfort of another!

    Yeah I hate that’s an assumption. Both between friendships of opposite genders, and of the same gender given homophobia. Especially of the same. I was jealous when I thought I was a man, seeing how much closer women seemed to be with each other, hugging each other and talking about their emotions. I have finally opened up a lot more to my male friends. I think they have put a lot work into removing that hesitancy in themselves. Thinking on it, maybe I really could ask to get more hugs, rather than just a pat on the back (which is still appreciated of course)

    Cuddling tho, no go. I just don’t see it :( it almost feels radical lol, even though it seems like the most human idea.

    To me it would be insecurity to believe that giving a friend warmth and comfort is to believe that your partner is cheating on you.

    Yeah I agree.

    Say what is on your mind as you need to dearest sister, we are here to listen and we love you!

    Thank you :)

    • Flüstrat [She/They]@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      I think that for many people, not necessarily out of intentional malice, there is a sense of “control,” that is wanted, or alternatively “exclusivity.” A reason why if I ever did have a partner I would let them know(most likely candidate does) that unless my partner specifically wanted it, monogamy is not something that is in my realm of desire, not for my sake but that they do not feel unnecessarily bound.

      People often want things to be “theirs.” It is an understandable selfishness, but it can be truly harmful when engaging in relationships, but is all too common to be seen.

      I long for the days even of virtual cuddles, sadly the closest now for me would be presence in Bigscreen since other platforms are garbage and at least vibing to Game Grumps or the like would be possible, even though Bigscreen lacks a lot in terms of avatars and movement, since it is meant to be more of presence-over-action.

      Though I only have one who rarely wants to(someone I have tried to court, but besides the point).