Assume an unlimited budget for now, I just want to know what’s out there.
My current setup is cobbled together from random parts and the HDDs are loud in my bedroom. I want all SSD storage (at least 4x) but with enough CPU/Ram to handle a lot of apps/VMs and some more demanding tasks.
The only other criteria is that I would prefer it to be as small as possible (not rack mount).
A high-cpu small machine will have noisy fans, there’s no avoiding that. The fans have to be of small diameter so they will spin at high RPM. Maybe you can say what you’re actually trying to run, and make things easier for us.
I gave up on this approach a long time ago and it’s been liberating. My main personal computer is a laptop and for a while I had a Raspberry Pi 400 running some server-like things. The Raspberry is currently not in use though maybe I’ll get it going again sometime. All my bigger computational stuff is remote. So the software is self-hosted but not the hardware. IDK if that counts as self-hosting around here. But it’s much more reliable that way, with the boxes in multiple countries for geo separation.