Sabrina Shroff, a lawyer for Mr. Dunn, …
Ms. Shroff described the case to jurors as profoundly unserious.
Sabrina if you’re here- great work
ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS! UNLIMITED, uh *checks notes* (…sandwiches? Really?) …UNLIMITED SUBWAY NINE DOLLAR AND ELEVEN CENT FOOTLONGS ON THE FIRST WORLD!
The verdict, which arrived after roughly seven hours of deliberation
Seven hours? For this??
Probably waited for lunch.
When will they find a sandwich hurler who is guilty of assault?
Guess that “exploding” sandwich line the cop gave didn’t really land with the jurors.
The assailant drew a concealed assault-hoagie and fired it at the officer, point blank. The sandwich detonated on the officer, covering him with acidic and sulfuric compounds. The sandwich also contained tomato, a nightshade derivative. Due to this, the officer was incapacitated and had to be rushed to a nearby hospital where these hazardous materials were neutralized with a napkin. The officer has been in therapy due to the nightmares caused by this violent, communist attack.
known jihadist substances such as mustard were discovered at the scene of the violent assault
Imagine being any one of those jurors trying to keep a straight face when he started bawling about the smell of onions and mustard.
Damn, how long until lunch break?
I can’t belive they jury nullified my sandwich trauma.
what the jurors really said here today is that kinetic sandwich engagement is really no assault at all.
