Need a new gig? Looking for a job with good pay and benefits that’s easy to get? Don’t need employment for more than a few months? Well ICE is hiring! And they’re so desperate for people that their standards have been lowered all the way to the seventh circle of Hell.
So throw in an application and sign up for ICE. Then proceed to be the most incompetent agent in ICE’s history. Show up late. Show up high. Arrive to raids late and out of uniform. Brag about your upcoming raids on social media. Just generally be the most unproductive, unhelpful, and incompetent ICE employee in history. Write elaborate equipment check lists and spend hours triple checking your load out before any raid. Be a net drain on the system. Have your incompetence be so great that your very presence actually zeros out the work of at least two other people. Become a black hole of unproductivity that drains the effectiveness and morale of everyone around you. Be the Colin Robinson of ICE!
They’re so desperate for people right now, that they’ll be extremely reluctant to fire you as long as you don’t go full direct insubordination. If you refuse to follow orders, you’ll get fired. If you’re just colossally incompetent at carrying those orders out, you should get at least a few months of employment before they finally let you go.
“Oops, sorry boss, I was going to the bathroom during that last raid, didn’t see anything. Shouldn’t have had that burrito last night.”
“Oops, I’m so clumsy. I left the door to the van open, and all the migrants we caught got away. Again!”
“What do you mean I can’t refer to my coworkers by name when we’re all masked up. That’s just impolite!”
“Look, I thought I had the right address. How was I to know that address was actually the local Republican Party campaign office?”
They have been taking pictures and using facial recognition at protests, they are adept at scouring people’s online footprint, and they have thousands of employees. How do you plan to get a statistically significant number of sympathetic people into their ranks undetected, and then keep them there as they throw a wrench in the works?
This is a pipe dream.
You’re ascribing more competence to these people than they deserve. They’re not omniscient. And trawling social media only gets you so much. Hell, you can tell them you’re generally liberal but opposed to illegal immigration if you really want. Yes, the Trump admin has some pretty extensive social media search capability, but that’s for their upper level cabinet officials. They just can’t afford to be that picky for the type of low-level position I’m talking about. ICE has expanded by leaps and bounds, way beyond any ability for them to properly screen applicants.
That may be so, but the problem is getting a statistically significant number of people to participate and go unnoticed. People are already being arrested for interfering with ICE. If they have a bad employee, they will get fired. If they think that employee intentionally let people get away, they will be arrested. If they think there is a conspiracy to create hundreds of bad employees (which is what we are doing here), then they will investigate and find a reason to arrest en masse.
This is MAGA. Incompetence is their brand. I doubt they can make any of that happen efficiently.
Besides, just forcing them to jump through all those hoops on every applicant is already a win.
They seem pretty competent at spreading misery and pain so far.
But it’s a FUNNY pipe dream at a grim time.
It is definitely a fun thing to think about, just not realistically feasible as the person I was responding to was hoping for.
Fair enough