i hate life. i go home im alone, i sleep im alone, i go to university im alone, i sit a seminar im alone. how the fuck am i supposed to find new friends, no one has any time, no one likes me enough to invite me to anything, no one wants to hang out with me, sure you can try to organize something but even if you manage to do so it never becomes anything more than a one time thing. i try to do shit, it never happens. there are no chill parties, no one wants to socialize at bars, no one wants to be friends at clubs or hobby meetups. there are no connections between anything, people go to meetups like they go to doctors appointments. i dont want to have friends, i want to have a community. i dont want to do thing a with friend a on monday, thing b with friend b on tuesday, thing c with friend c on wednesday, thing d with friend d on thursday, thing e with friend e on friday. i want to have a friend group whom i can just hang out with. and when you try to find friends you need to pretend like you don’t really need them, go like “oh yeah ill add you to my long list of friends lets see where i can fit you in oh im so busy im certainly not sitting home alone crying because i feel so fucking heartbroken and lonely all the time”. im thirty, still a complete loser in university. how the fuck is this supposed to work when im working 40 hours a week. and then my therapist has the gall to tell me i’ve got a “fear of growing up”. if growing up means living like this i’d rather fucking die. i don’t find it hard to empathize with incels, loneliness is the worst pain in the world, loneliness makes you go crazy. its much easier to believe a romantic relationship is going to fix your loneliness than it is to believe there’s any chance of living in a community of friends. you only need one person to be in a relationship, to not be alone when you go home, to at least have someone to hold you when you are crying.